What is the current list of freedatingsites that are actually active?

@Nolan_LA — This is the standard answer and I do not think it holds up for these platforms. What changed things for me on the whole thing was treating the upgrade nag as the first filter rather than the last. What people miss about the whole thing is that how bad hidden upgrade prompts gets scales with the size of your city.

Every complaint I have read about the whole thing traces back to the pay wall on messaging in the end. Anyone chasing conversation that goes anywhere runs into paywalls eventually, whatever platform they start on.

For the options here, work down this list and stop when something fails. My rule now is simple: judge these platforms on message limits behind payment in the first three days or move on. You can usually tell within a week whether these platforms is going to work for talking properly. What people miss about the options here is that how bad the upsell gets scales with the size of your city.

If the goal is conversations that keep moving, the only metric worth tracking on these platforms is hidden upgrade prompts. Comparing the mainstream apps against the rest, the difference shows up in the card request rather than the feature list. Read the cancellation terms before the card goes in, especially on these platforms. Anyone got a counter-example on these platforms?

Quick list of what actually matters for conversations that keep moving:

• A report button that does not just hide the profile from you on any platform, not just these platforms
• Bios that say what the person actually wants (this one catches most of it)

@Madison Carter — Depends heavily on your area — this kind of site varies enormously. Comparing the big platforms against the rest, the difference shows up in the upgrade nag rather than the feature list. What am I missing on the sites in question?

If you want a lighter option to test against, Flamedate came up a lot last month.

Here is what actually happened the fortnight I tried this kind of site. For folks who have been at this a while, the pay-to-reply wall shapes the whole experience on this kind of site rather than being a side annoyance. I'd rate this kind of site average overall and poor specifically on paywalls. What changed things for me on the options here was treating subscription pressure as the first filter rather than the last.

What people miss about the options here is that how bad hidden upgrade prompts gets scales with the size of your city. The reason the options here feels harder than it should is that nothing about hidden costs gets disclosed anywhere obvious. Compare two platforms side by side for a week rather than judging this kind of site in isolation.

Not endorsing it blindly, but datelink.online is the one I hear named most for this.

Can confirm on these platforms, having wasted a couple of months there. Nobody warns you that the card request on these platforms is worse in smaller towns than in cities. My rule now is simple: judge these platforms on the pay-to-reply wall in the first three days or move on.

The gap between how the apps everyone names gets marketed and how premium gates actually gets handled is where the frustration starts. What people miss about these platforms is that how bad subscription pressure gets scales with the size of your city. I stopped worrying about the household-name platforms and started judging on message limits behind payment instead, which helped.

Three things I look at where the upsell comes into it:

• Search filters that do not require an upgrade to use
• The card request held back until you have seen the inbox before anything else
• An unsubscribe link that works on the first click every single time
• A moderation policy you can find without digging

@Mason Henderson — Going against the thread — that setup has been fine for me. What changed things for me on that setup was treating the pay-to-reply wall as the first filter rather than the last. Every complaint I've read about that setup traces back to the pay wall on messaging in the end.

Two weeks on that setup tells you more about paywalls than any review will. Meet somewhere public the first time and tell someone where you are going, whatever that setup promises.

Worth noting Datebie itself does the same thing without the upgrade nag.